I’ve been a “big girl” for as long as I can remember. When I was in school, I was always teased in the locker room for being fat. For a while, I was able to just shrug it off. Why should I believe girls who started rumors just for the fun of it? After a while, though, it became nearly impossible to ignore. Not only was a still being teased, but I really was gaining weight.
Ever since then, I’ve tried numerous different things to try to lose weight; and each and every attempt was a failure. For a while I tried skipping meals. I’d skip breakfast and lunch, and then nibble on dinner a little bit (I usually claimed that I ate a big lunch, of course). By the time 9PM rolled around, however, I felt ravenous. I’d binge…Chips, pop, leftover pizza, whatever I could get my hands on. It was a terrible cycle.
I learned to hate my body; I learned to hate myself. Any time I saw myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help but be disgusted by what I saw. I felt embarrassed to go shopping. Trying on clothes was an absolute nightmare. I couldn’t just go out and have fun trying things on with my friends because I could never find anything that fit. Nearly all of my friends are also incredibly skinny, so standing next to them was always yet another reminder that I was big.
I felt totally inadequate. I had been convinced by society and those around me that I wasn’t good enough because of my size; that guys wouldn’t like me if I didn’t have a thin, perfect bikini-ready body. My self-confidence was completely ruined by the time I graduated high school and went to college. I couldn’t look people in the eye because I simply didn’t have the confidence or courage to. I didn’t think that I was even worth talking to.
At the end of my first semester of college, however, things began to shift. I finally realized that of course nobody is going to love me…I don’t love myself! I can’t expect others to feel good about me when I can’t even do it. I knew that trying to starve myself wasn’t going to get me anywhere; it always just ended up making me eat way more unhealthy food than I needed to.
I’ve been making slow and steady progress every since I had that epiphany. I’ve slowly been changing my eating habits. I’ve also joined the Zumba class that’s offered here. I started out just once a week, and this week I will be going 4 times a week. Small changes are the ones that seem to have the biggest impact. I’ve lost 10 pounds so far, and I’m thrilled.
Instead of obsessing over what people think of me, I’ve learned to set my own goals. My short-term goals are simple, and practical. I do have some longer term goals, however, that my short-term ones are going to help me accomplish.
So, my goals:
SHORT TERM FOR THIS WEEK
- Attend Zumba 4 days
- Do an 8 minute ab workout twice
- Do an 8 minute arm workout twice
- Drink more water
- Have only one glass of pop
- Have only one dessert
- But a lot of fruits & veggies (and eat them)
- Eat a mostly organic diet
- Completely quit drinking pop
- Have a diet “cheat day” once a month
- Go for a walk every day
- Jog at least 3 times/week
- Zumba at least 3 times/week
- Swim regularly
- Horseback ride at least 3 times/week
So, that’s all I’ve got for now. I could probably go on and on a lot longer about this, but that’d get quite boring quite fast! Now, for all of those struggling with same thing I am, I shall leave you with this picture that I found rather inspiring:
Don’t you think it’s time to shut that slut up? I sure do! 🙂
*pEACE, lOVE, & mUSIC*